This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
