Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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