Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
