dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
