I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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