She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
