in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
