So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
