the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
