everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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