yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
