yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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