bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
