the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
