My hand turned me down
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
