So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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