so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
