I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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