Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
