i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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