Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
