You're so nebulous sometimes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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