the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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