I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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