No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
