This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
