I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
