Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize