I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
