Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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