if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
