he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
