We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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