I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
