Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
