yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
