I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
