I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
