grandma shit on top of the toilet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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