he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
