Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize