is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
