I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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