I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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