I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
