i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
