with your own penis?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
