wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize