So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
