there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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