i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
