I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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