I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Four minutes until I can fart!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
