people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
