I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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