I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
