he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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