I'm eating all of the evidence.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
