I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
