Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Someone shit on the floor
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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