My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
