I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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